Happy birthday me I guess.

 

 Back again for a quick moment. Today is my birthday. As it is every year right in the dead time of winter. Not much happening today, no local friends and not much to do at the moment. But it's not a huge disaster, which is way ahead of how it usually goes. 

Though I did lose some artwork I created tonight. That part sucked. But it's not like it was too important. Had it been something job or personal project stuff I'd lose my mind and kick things over and blah blah blah. 

I may, if I have time post stuff as I make it later. I'm trying to shake off the rust and open a cheap day of commissions tomorrow. Offset the wonderfully lax day today. Wish luck I should raise some much needed funds and get the groove back to hit the next projects I have lined up. 

Redesign and all that is still forthcoming. Today. I lurk and sleep. Maybe cake. Who knows. 

First art post of the year. iPad sketchery.

   New year, first art dump post. I made these randomly on my iPad this week while working out some new ideas and selling off random junk. NYE was ok, weren't exactly out partying but it was ok. Hanging out With the new kitten and the rest of the bunch. He's still a bit wacky but acclimating. Been sorting everything out to really fire up the total revamp of everything. Have some ideas but I need to ask about some things. So new design and setup is coming, along with far better content. As much as I like to go on and on, I'm sure you'd rather I shut up and post art stuff. Actual comics maybe. So yeah, this begins more of that.

After the jump I'm just going to post random images made on my iPad, some very rough.

The final word of 2011 (at least from here)

 As the last day begins we sit here at 4am. We ended up getting that kitten from that rescue group. As much as I soured on the idea they let us know that the little guy we were looking at was ready to come home. 

So we are now the owners of this guy: 

His name is Peanut and when awake he does not stand still. This was the first picture of the little guy trying to kill a ghost. He's weird and leaps into his litter box. No idea why, like he's announcing with a flourish that peeing is going to happen. The adult cat here isn't very fond yet.

I actually feel kind of guilty, she lost her only friend a month ago, and here we are bringing this new hell raiser in here. She looks real sad but not aggressive to him. Give it time. It's still very soon. (only a day so far) 

So lets see.

This year was a strange one. It started with family still going to court over my fathers estate. Insane lies and people covering themselves in a way that makes them look guilty as hell. I took more of a back seat in this fight. Its a no win battle over the unimportant parts of someone's life. I was never in it for a pay day, as much as some want to believe. I'm just tired of the strife brought from that. December 28th marked the 3rd anniversary of my fathers death. Still a very big cloud hanging over me. Still haven't gone to the grave, said goodbye. Done the things one should do to move on. It just hasn't felt right while these people fight over his baubles. 

This year was also tough due to the economical situation. Trying to get work has been near impossible. Taken to doing random little odd jobs just to keep afloat. Though I haven't had much luck on that front, maybe next year. 

Didn't help that I did get hit with some unfortunate situations, mostly drained my already anemic accounts. Almost dying from an infection in my ear that went way too far, that sucked. Hurt like crazy and dropped me off the planet for nearly 2 months. It was kind of surreal and really opened my eyes to some new ideas brought on by the madness of the sickness. It was like the flu with a knife in your head. While someone flashes random colors at you. Once I was recovering though, the world started making sense. 

I learned to stop caring what people say, for years I fought tooth and nail to disprove or stop the unfounded rumors and really general awful shit people say about me. Which past anyone living in this town in the 90's shouldn't even matter. My brothers even got in on the insane horror of it. Right as my father is laid to rest they all kind of hit me at once. I fought hard, then I realized, no one cared. Most won't care what I write here. Most don't care if I exist. Most don't care about people in my town, county, city. None of it matters. 

I fought phantoms for years instead of doing what I should be doing. I wasted much of my life on negative influences. From my upbringing to the last years cold war with people who are my age and older over bullshit teenage grudges. It's sad. Sad and I'm done with it. I've said it before and I'll say again. If you're someone swayed by random rantings from random people you don't know when hiring me to say, draw a picture of your dog. Really take your business elsewhere. It's irrelevant to what I do. You don't hire a roofer because he's a nice perfect upstanding citizen, you hire him because he's good at his job and he has good turnover. So don't judge a random person based off other random people. Actually talk to me, get to know me. You may not be my best friend but you'll know who I actually am. 

Past that I no longer care. I don't have many friends. The list gets shorter due to many factors. The big one is I'm not a very out and about guy, I don't have a job to socialize and meet people. I'm not a bar person and let's face it, I'm 33 and socially crippled. I have a fiancé who lives in the cave with me. I don't think it's really going to change unless I change. 

One change to make is to drop the MaddoxMisery name. This will be a somewhat gradual process over the next month. Shutting down most things. (I'll be going under my own name) no more masks to get in the way. 

I'm back to doing what I started out doing. Writing and drawing stories that I think are interesting. Rebuilding long dismantled businesses. Resurrecting characters in better ways. Starting up painting again. I got too far away from what the whole point of everything is. 

As such this blog title will have to change, once it's all over and done with, and with that a new format and better everything. Hopefully. 

Here's a sketch of a character I'm bringing back from the dead (though really for the first time since I never fully published the books I made years ago. Long story.) did this on my iPad.

I have no idea what next year will bring. Hopefully it'll be more coherent and better than the last. Ali plans on getting some schooling to become a vet, after the nightmare we endured she didn't want others to have to deal with vets like the ones we dealt with. A noble and respectable reason. 

Hopefully I can do what I always do, survive and get back on my feet. I still take commissions, I am revising my guidelines a great deal but my rates are reasonable. I'm looking for more regular work as well. Hoping something finally works out. Hard work and determination will only get me so far. Maybe I'll luck out. Who knows. I will be releasing new material next year. Might need some help with some things.

As for the rest, I take it as it comes. Like Rocky said 'it's about taking the hit and still getting up, seeing how hard you can get hit and still keep coming and keep fighting' not a direct quote but a general idea. Sorry I saw the last movie the other day.

I have officially wasted 7 minutes of your new years.

You're welcome.

The holiday wrap-up.

 Another Christmas comes to a close. We spent it very low key. No one exactly came around or called. Which is just how it is sometimes. Sad in some ways but not a deal breaker. We ended up watching a lot of Dr Who. Which I haven't seen since I was a child and the doctor had giant hair and a funky scarf. We were confused but enjoyed it. 

Hopefully someone got that gift link in my last post. I haven't checked and no ones spoken up exactly. Which might be telling me that I should just stop with this, but that might be going too far. Hope your holidays were good. 

The Internet thankfully died early Christmas day, so I missed out on the flood of people who post those ungrateful mean terrible human being posts on twitter or reddit about how every this ruined because they didn't get the right kind of car or a new iPhone in the right color. That kind of sucks any joy out of anything. So I'm glad for the few hours rest of the always on screaming march of progress and simply just being with the few people who actually care enough to be here. I didn't really get anything to show off, nor do I need anything (except maybe more work and clients who don't stiff me) 

I did get Ali a laptop, she needed one. Upgraded the ram a bit. I got into an argument with a client who decided he didn't want to pay me despite finishing  what he asked. I'm just not having any luck. Lost a bunch of time and money. So I already came in with a sour mood. What made it better was throwing a few humble bundles to some random people I don't know. Some were actually really appreciative. So that made me feel good. Also the humble bundles help out charity, and the developers of said games in the bundle. Not sure if it's still running, but they do new ones often. Check them at humblebundle.com

We did one last thing, an old tradition in my family where we go out when everyone's out at mass to go check out Christmas lights. One neighbor kicked so much ass that everyone else didn't bother this year. They run a fund drive for a children's hospital every year and they do this insane display. Every inch of lawn covered in light up characters. Synced lights to music. Giant gates covered in damn near everything Christmas. A roof adorned with everything else. Every year, more and bigger. I bow to its glory. 

The pictures are on my phone, so I'll likely drop those on twitter. 

Oh and we got word that the cat we were looking at from that rescue organization, the prior possible owners dropped out. And he's ours if we want him still. I have a few questions, but I'm leaning toward getting the little guy. 

Ultimately, this Christmas, while isolated and strange, with things going sour on one end, ended up turning out decent. Now if anyone need coupons for steam, I has many to hand out. 

Tomorrow I may have a new cat in here.

Totally random holiday gifting (also,Bane)

Hello again, I come bearing gifts. Tonight I was out of sorts. Broken even. My bank account is bombed to hell, I lost my best buddy cat. Family not being what one would usually expect on the holidays. A big commission turned into a giant headache where the client (who shall be unnamed) said my time wasn't worth the price I asked. Which was a super low ball price for the amount of work done. Essentially slitting my own throat. Enemies at the gates looking to hurt me however possible.

All in all, typical holiday season here. Shit happens. It's all in how you pick up and move on. So today I bought another humble indie bundle which is now up to 12 games and many soundtracks. Instead of being a sad sack and gifting to myself. I pass it on to you, whoever is seeing this. 

The gift link is http://www.humblebundle.com/?gift=8SqMsXnzU2mX

I don't really ask anything in return, throw me a follow on twitter (@maddoxmisery), friend me on steam (sn: maddoxmisery). Let me know you got it. Pay it forward and all. I figured I'd do something nice in light of so much awful. The few who are in my life have been good to me, despite my generally morose postings in random places. I don't have many friends, and those few couldn't care less for this. So whoever you are, take it in good faith. You in a roundabout way supported charity and developers who made some damn good games. Play them and be happy. Not everyone's a shithead this holiday. No matter which one you celebrate. I'm cool with everyone. 

If you miss out, I may do this again if it goes well. 

Oh looks like after Christmas I may be getting a kitten, got the message from the rescue that I'm approved and passed all the background checks. Which is funny in light of all the made up shit people seem to believe about me. Got no time to be bitter. It's the holidays. 

Enjoy.

Also up at top, I made a quick bane sketch with my trusty iPad. Not really digging it. But I thought some might like it. I still don't know what to think about the Dark Knight Rises Bane. I have faith in Nolan.

Still alive.

  Bad news:  I've been away for a while. My cat didn't make it. I kind of blame myself for not rushing to a different vet. The ones caring for her simply weren't, they made the situation worse and worse. Finally telling me the treatments we were going with were not even meant to do anything. Then she told me that she was discontinuing care. That night my cat was barely functioning. I had to make a judgement call. She was suffering so I felt I had to let her go. As much as it hurt, she is gone. So I took time away to deal with it. I wasn't really feeling up to doing much. So my profile dropped to a mere blip. Most didn't notice. 

Better news: in my low profile time I was asked to do a commission. Which is pictured above. They asked for them in a post apocalyptic setting. It was supposed to be full color but nothing I did looked right. So I went for tonal screening and channel filters. Turned out much better.

More bad news: people I thought were long gone who really have no purpose or life other than to damage and dismantle anything I do with blatant lies and high school bullying (in our 30s even, which is extra sad.) are back spreading the falsehoods. Which really I'm tired of dealing with. I know it's happening and I people on twitter are telling me about it. I'm 33 and the people who know me know I'm not anything but nice to people and do whatever I can to help out and do my part in society. I'm not a huge successful big rich guy. I'm an unemployed cartoonist. A cartoonist that makes the occasional book that sells all of 4 copies. To be in your 30s and trying to destroy someone who's simply making art and sharing it. Occasionally offering work for donations. Apparently that's bad. I even caught shit for buying a humble bundle and gifting the code to someone because I just wanted to support it and already had the games. There's nothing I can do to get people to like me, it's foolish to even start. If one chooses to believe the lies, go right ahead. 

There is a reason is is called Maddox Misery must die. It's the death of a concept. The concept is the name I took, based on books I was making, that represented a time in my life when I left a bad relationship, started a deviantart account and began creating just to create. On there I exposed some raw nerves and things most people don't talk about. With it I was breaking my habit of bottling the rage inside. It was a downer sometimes but it was coping. Some people took this as a means to attack. Some I never met, and some who I haven't seen in 13 years. They came out and tried to dismantle it. It touched a nerve. Which was kind of the point. Accusing me of everything you can imagine. We had a family friend in trouble. I tried to do something good for him hopefully anonymously, they jumped on me saying I was running a scam. I offered to give everything back. No one cared. So I donated it and moved on. They persisted. I carried on until my father died of pancreatic cancer. At that point I felt it was time to wind it down. The world changed for me. The idea of fighting Internet trolls wasn't something I cared for, still don't. So I'm leaving it here. If you see things and have questions, send me an email. I make myself very available. Otherwise I'm done with it. I'm done with that life. The death of Maddox Misery is a real thing. It's a relic of the past. It only dragged on after my father died because my brothers decided to join this odd gaggle of trolls. I have a strange relationship with my family. Hard to explain in short bursts. I will if asked though.

Even better news: to really temper the badness and stupidity. I decided, a bit early for me really, to adopt a cat through a rescue organization. I wasn't really looking for a new cat. I have one still, she seems lonely and she freaks out whenever I leave the room. But the idea of a new cat was just alien. Then I saw is one little kitten. I don't want to get my hopes up just yet. Going to see the head of the organization tomorrow. I just tout he was neat and decided to fill out the forms and submit to all the checks. First time through a rescue. I'm not naming them because I know the idiots check my blog and messages looking for a new place to attack. I'll post pics if it works out. 

Godspeed Christopher Hitchens. As in good journey in a more atheistic context. He was an inspiration and over all cool guy. 

The update I didn't want to write.

This won't be a long one.

For the past few weeks my cat TC had taken ill. The vet prescribed medications yet offered no treatment past super expensive blood transfusions to combat her anemia. All this time they had zero diagnosis. She had many ups and downs. Some days it's like she was getting better, the next she was so weak the act of eating was a chore.

Through all this we had to fight the vets with everything, we're blatantly lied to and charged insane sums to come up with nothing. When I told her for the last time the issues they originally ignored, she called me a liar and gave up treatment for the unknown ailment.

This was on Tuesday. We stayed up over night with her. She got far far worse and payed nearly catatonic on Ali's lap. Every move was met with a low pained meow. Se stopped eating and really functioning. Breathing shallow and glassy eyed. I decided to make the call.

Wednesday morning at 9:30 I lost my buddy. She fought hard but I just couldn't make her suffer any more than she had this far. The vets were awful to us, seeing we are a lower class than they are they refused many treatment options that would have helped her. The fact I had to find out alternative treatments from the Internet should tell me that these vets only wanted the kick back from the referral to the insane expensive place.

I really miss my buddy. She was the smartest cat I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Tis likely sounds so dumb, but she was probably the best loyal friend I ever had. Where people deceived and simply left through the years, she was there hanging out. Most cats are just solitary kind of leave me alone animals. She sat with me for days after my father died. Every time a relationship ended, there she was poking my hand and distracting me. And to thing I was resistant to even having a cat. An ex girlfriend got a cat for her birthday, she thought I should get one. I said no, she pushed more and I relented agreeing only to go look.

That shelter was depressing. A very grey cold place. The animals looked just as sad. I saw this kitten ignoring the kid poking at the cage. She looked at me and climbed up on the cage door and grabbed my leg, meowing and generally wanting out. She ignored everyone but me. That's when I said fuck it, I like her. And she was off to my house. The first few weeks she couldn't jump so she would climb my leg and sleep on my lap while I drew things or worked on my computer. It is something. I'll never forget. I have a million other stories but I figured I'd save them.

She was the best and I'll never forget her. Kind of still in shock and sadness. I decided to take a few days away from everything to process it all.

The epilogue is I am launching a complaint over the shit the vets did. Already talked to a lawyer and I have something to go after. Not much but I want these people to learn that you can't do this to people. Putting profits over the very lives they are supposed to help. Sure there might have been no saving her ultimately, but they treated us like garbage and ignored, even scoffed, at what we were telling them. Blatant lies and refusal to acknowledge or even help the issues at hand. It was the anemia that was what crashed her. A transfusion would have been ideal, but there are other methods that could have been tried. They wanted me to take the referral and shut up, because they get a kickback from that. That was the only thing they were honest about.

Ali on the other hand has decided to become a vet. Once we work that out she wants to go to school and her idea is to help lower income pet owners get the care that would normally be denied them. A counterpoint to these people we dealt with. Which I think is sorely needed.

We just don't want others to go through the shit we did.

That's about all I'm really going to say at this point. I'll be going back to posting art and all that sometime next week.